Benar kata Soe Hok Gie. Betapa bahagianya mereka yang mati muda. Tak perlu berperit-jerih memikirkan tentang tanggungjawab dan hidup. Lebih bahagia yang mati seawal di rahim ibu, atau lebih baik tidak dilahirkan langsung.
It's just sad. Kematian adalah pengakhiran yang paling saya tunggu-tunggu. Lama sudah saya tinggalkan rasa sesak dengan sakit yang menghimpit. Kematian berkali-kali mengajak saya pergi bersamanya.
Saya bencikan perpisahan.
Setiap hari, kalau saya hidup, saya akan lebih 'attach' dengan dunia dan segala isinya. Isn't it better if I choose to die. Less attachment. Less suffering. Less agony.
Though I know, I should detached myself from the worldly matter and keep on holding to Allah, alone. There are times, things are easier said than done. It's not that easy to walk the talk, kan?
Rupa-rupanya, masih ada sisa rasa pahit hidup di dalam saya.
Now, eventhough I have someone to love, someone who would love me, as much as I did, it's still not enough.
Boo keeps on reminding me each and everyday, "sini bukan syurga". It's not that I don't know that. It's just that, I feel demotivated. On life. On everything.
I'm just being selfish. Betapa tak bersyukurnya kita, sebagai manusia, kan?
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