Fugly.

Fat and Ugly.

I am known as a budak gemuk once. Now that I realized, I have been living with anxiety since I was in my primary years. This is the perks of learning Psychology. You diagnosed yourself for having this and that trying to relate it to one another. Hehe.

All this while, I have been trying to develop my self confidence, trying to make myself believe I am beautiful. I remember, I did try to be a Bulimic once. Just once. It doesn't feel good. My throat hurts and I swear I won't do such things anymore. No ones know about this. I was being curious at that age. So..yeah.

Life wasn't going so well at the beginning. I've tried to live my life well with anxiety, but it doesn't goes any better. People hardly understand what I've been gone through. I hate class presentations, I hate it so much that I did skipped class. Sorry group mates. I hate being on stage, I hate being the center of attention. I overthink too much. They might criticize my figure, my appearance, I didn't do well, they talk bad about me, they hated me. And that was just things that came out of my mind. I was doing just fine.

Life wasn't very hard after all. I'm all good now. That was before.

But this few days the same things keeps on coming. I feel bad about myself. I've gain weight. I'm fat (I annoyed people so much with this statement, but they don't really understand what is it all about). I'm scared. Insecurity is a bad bitch. I should start to love myself all over again. 

Thank God, I've met a guy who is really supportive, "I love you no matter what".

I would love to love you always too, boo.

I need to ditch anxiety hard! I love performing eventhough I did said I hate being on stage. It's complicated, a love-hate relationship I guess.

Have you ever came across this quote - "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."

Yup, be kind. always :)

Love,

Pemuzik Jalanan.